Author Notes

I believe in the power of couples to create great marriages. For decades, I have witnessed amazing relationship and personal growth toward that goal happen overnight. Of course, long-term change requires consistent motivation and clear communication.

In The Marriage Whisperer, I have shared the heart and soul of my experience as a marriage counselor. My writing is supported by decades of professional experience and education, but inspired by thousands of amazing couples determined to improve their relationships.

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Dr. Patt & her “Volunteer Exhibit”.

Reflecting on  the marriages I have observed, personally and professionally, couples often look past their own marital quality and focus attention on the “scandalous”  stories of marital failures of others to validate the status of their marriages.  Celebrity relationship failures are frequent news headlines. “Aren’t WE lucky our marriage isn’t THAT bad?” Then couples settle back into the familiar comfort of “good enough” marriages, forgetting that somebody else’s divorce has sprung up from what once was their “good enough” marriage. Are we next?

Of course, we think we aren’t, but we are really busy with kids and career. And maybe we should spend more time alone as a couple, but we still have sex (occasionally)…And we don’t argue much (but we don’t communicate well together either)…After our kids are grown, we’ll have more time and reconnect (but will we have anything in common?).  Add in your own personal justifications for neglecting your marriage. “We neglect our marriage because _______________________________________.”

Unnecessary neglect, I say.  Way too many couples are ignoring their marriages and running them right into disconnected relationships as I write this. “Un-nurtured” relationships are neglected by default.

I wonder, “Why do so many couples wait for a crisis or ‘wake-up’ call before they become motivated enough to work to improve their relationships?” Some times it becomes too late.

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In NYC waiting for our five seconds of TODAY Show fame!

Couples may feel selfish taking time out to nurture their relationship. Yet everything a couple does to strengthen theirmarriage, they do for their children. Some couples create child-focused families. They over-focus on their children to the detriment of their marriage. Other parents, as a couple, are poor role models of a healthy marriage.  Children observe and are influenced. How will our children learn to do better? Don’t they deserve the best example of a healthy relationship we can provide? Strong marriages make strong families and a healthy support system for children. Parents as a couple are marriage role models for their children. You owe it to your kids to role model your best.

I wrote The Marriage Whisperer to be a simple resource for couples to use to break through the habit of marital neglect and procrastination.

Take action now.